January 6th

Dear Dad,

I'm glad to hear you're enjoying your puzzle, and that it fits on the table. I know you didn't want to sit on the floor to put it together.

I'm just imagining you walking around the table, with your glasses on your nose, and studying the pieces in the most methodical way.

Nova and I have been taking our evenings and she's been showing me all her favorite haunts. We've also woken up early enough to watch the sunrise a few times because she's a morning person.

This is how I have always imagined our adult friendship would be and it's a wonderful story to have play out even though I know it would be very different if we actually lived close to one another.

I think it's sad people don't really take time for each other in real and normal life. I wonder if I'll be any different when I actually settle down. Such a depressing thought, too.

But then, I can't imagine Meg letting very much time go by before she'd come banging on my door and asking for some coffee, or to go out for drinks, or to take me mushroom hunting. I should probably settle close to her so I have a friend who won't let me retreat into myself.

It's a happy imagining for me to think of a distant and definitely fictional future where Nova and I live in the Willamette Valley, less than an hour from Meg and Tom, and somehow also less than an hour from Newport and Jasper.

I know it won't ever happen, but the imagining of it has made me quite happy the last few days. Even getting Nova and Meg to meet, though in all truth I'm not completely sure they'd get along. Nova is so quiet, but knows exactly what she thinks about so many things. I feel completely wishy washy next to her. It's not that I don't know where I stand, but to be able to articulate them, much less argue for their significance? It couldn't be me.

Nova took me to the Riverwalk this morning and we walked the full length of it, about 9 miles in all. It felt much shorter since we talked the whole way and made plans to possibly go to Europe together next year. I have about four months till it will have been a year I’ve been traveling and even though it feels both longer and shorter at once, it would be nice to have an actual home to return to.

Just not in Colorado. As much as I love the wild mountains and high desert beauty, it’s just not quite home anymore. Not with all the places I’ve been and cities I’ve loved

Mississippi lives up to its nickname of The Magnolia State. Enormous magnolia trees on every corner, the waxy leaves making them impossible to miss.

Even in January they're magnificent, and I can only imagine how the beautiful blooms would enhance the already stunning trees.

I remember seeing some variety of magnolias in Oregon, but I think they weren't the same as these down here. With the colder weather up there it's probably a hardier variety.

Nova has a telescope, so we set it up and stayed up way too late last night studying the stars while I told her the stories Mom always told me. Nova hadn't heard all of them, and she had a few I hadn't heard before as well.

It's been a comfortable, restful two weeks. Not restful sleep-wise, but soul-wise. I hadn't realized how soul weary I'd become, but between seeing you in New Orleans and Nova here, I feel like I have a new lease on life, and before you say anything, I know that's a ridiculous thing for anyone in their early twenties to say.

I'm so glad we got those two weeks together, Dad. It felt a bit like old times. The old times when Mom would drop me off at your house and we'd have cold cereal for breakfast and PB&J's for lunch. When you'd take me to the pool and I'd make fast if not lasting friendships with the other kids who hung out there. It was like I was a kid again, in the best way possible. Thank you for taking the time to make that happen.

I also want to let you know Althea says I'm making progress. She's pointed out a few times recently when I reacted differently than I would have six months ago, and it's a relief to see some of the healing and growth I've moved into. It's such a process and I'm tired of it, but it's so worth it.

I'll be heading to Alabama in a few days and I'm looking forward to seeing more countryside. Sad to be leaving Starkville and Nova though. It kind of has the same feeling Corvallis had with all the college students and the huge campus.

I am going to check out the Desoto caverns, and I'm excited even though I did my research this time and know it's all touristy.

But for now, I'm content to sit on Nova's back porch and watch the sun sink below the horizon while we drink mint juleps and talk about the future. It's nice thinking about the future and not feeling it yawning ahead of me like a void without Mom in it. It's nice to be able to think about things I might actually do in the future, and a time when I might be okay.

Don't worry about me, Dad. You just take care of yourself, finish your puzzle, and send me a picture of the final result.

I love you very much,

Bo.